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How to greet people in Dutch?

Before coming to the Netherlands (I volunteered in a family house via workaway for two months), I knew that people here greet each other. No doubt that I'm going to go for a walk. No doubt that I will meet strangers and might need to say hi. Despite my social awkwardness, introvertedness and Lithuanianness, I was up for it; I was excited to master the art of greeting strangers.

Where can I get a „Hoi codex“?

Hoi, hallo, dag, or depending on time of the day goed morgen, middag, avond. That‘s all you need to know right? Well, for me there was much more.

When you walk down the village's street, someone comes upfront: you glance at them and say one of those words with a nod or a smile. This one is clear. But what if I go on one side of the road, and another person walks on the other? What if I'm cycling past a pedestrian or another cyclist? What if I'm a pedestrian and there is a motorcyclist/car driver driving past me? What if I sit next to the window and see a person walking? Shall I wave? How shall I behave in a bigger city? Funny, but that was a real struggle for me when I came here. I felt that there should be a rule book, but I had to figure out everything all by myself.

I waved to two ladies while sitting in the house, shouted hi to people from afar, frightened someone when I was cycling past and turned around to smile and greet them. The funniest occasion was when I was sitting on a bench facing away from a path, but once I heard someone coming, I turned my head for everyone.

 

Nothing personal

People can be lost in their thoughts, angry, anxious, or sad. I can miss their eyes and get no hi back. At first, I got confused: "sh*t, what is happening?", but the longer I lived here, the more I faced those unreciprocated moments and realized that sometimes I'm the one who doesn't reciprocate as well. And that has nothing to do with those people. So grumpy cats have nothing to do with me! (also, I learned to see who is up for a short interaction, if they stare to the ground, I don't bother them and stare to the ground, too :D)

 

Sort of connection

I was lonely and depressed when I came here; I felt alien in that family, and once I moved to De Bilt I literally had no one here (and was too scared to search for friends). The only people I had contact with were shop employees and random people on the street. Connection was superficial, but that erased my solitude, if only for a while. Also, there is something magical about a smile. I sometimes am filled with so much joy when I see others smiling, and the thought that I can lift someone's day with my smile is flipping awesome.

 

Getting comfortable and bringing innovation

One year ago, my heart was pounding so fast that I had to prepare myself before stepping outside mentally. Now? Hold my social awkwardness, buddy. I'm a pro. Zero anxiety. Thousand confidence points. So much confidence that when I'm in Lithuania, I greet people in the neighbourhood (which is very unusual) and hearing "labas" back is the coolest!

 

No rules

The most important lesson is that there are no rules on how to greet other people. Some boundaries shouldn't be crossed, of course (e.g. hugging, kissing :DD), but when and in what words to say hi is up to you. I can be grumpy and say nothing; I can nod and smile at everyone, even those who seem to have not the best day. I can do that in a busy street in Utrecht, a village or Lithuania.

I do what feels good! And for me, 99/100 times saying hoi is better than glancing away.


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